Monday, September 22, 2003
I had one of the most random, most horrifying weekends of my life.
Without having to get too deeply into the logistics of it all, Paul and I had a huge fight on Friday that ended with us breaking up. It was a drunken brawl and I am still unsure as of right now if the break-up was for real. He hasn’t called me since then. And probably rightly so. I acted like a complete lunatic and hurt him pretty badly.
I haven’t been feeling the same since.
Last night I had a terrible dream that kind of sums up my entire weekend.
I was in my bedroom playing with my hamsters, Kimberly and Neechee. As I was playing around in the cage, I noticed that there were tons more hamsters resting under the shavings of their cage. I put the lid back on the cage and as I turned around I saw that there were hundreds of hamsters milling around my bed, my dresser, my computer, etc. There were also big hamsters that look like chinchillas. It was absolutely terrifying and gross.
I looked back into the hamster cage and saw that it was filling up with more and more of them. I opened up my bedroom window and started throwing them out the window. As I tried to grab them off the floor, they bit me over and over and I specifically remember the pain I was feeling in the dream. It was their teeth chewing on my skin. I then grabbed a bath towel and started picking them up and breaking their necks and throwing the dead bodies out of my window. I couldn’t move nearly fast enough. They were all over my room.
The lid on the cage started to come off as the hamsters filled it up. As I tried to shove the lid back down, I sliced through a couple of their bodies and there was guts and blood all over the place. I started calling for someone to come and help me, but no one did. Eventually I just stood in my room and watched as the hamsters started to take over everything. It was fucking scary and it was fucking nasty.
I woke up and stared at the wall for like 10 minutes, wondering why I had such a horrible dream.
Figures. Perfect representation of my weekend.
I feel sad today. I fucked up over the weekend with Paul and now I carry the guilt of our fight.
I have so much to do this week. Our show opens a week from Friday and today I just don’t feel excited. Instead I feel sad and alone. I wish I hadn’t screwed up so badly with my boy.
I have rehearsal every night this week and at this point, it seems as though I will never make it through to Friday.
I also go to the dermatologist at 4pm today to see if I can get this dry skin/rash thing on my face taken care of once and for all.
I hope tomorrow’s a better day.
Without having to get too deeply into the logistics of it all, Paul and I had a huge fight on Friday that ended with us breaking up. It was a drunken brawl and I am still unsure as of right now if the break-up was for real. He hasn’t called me since then. And probably rightly so. I acted like a complete lunatic and hurt him pretty badly.
I haven’t been feeling the same since.
Last night I had a terrible dream that kind of sums up my entire weekend.
I was in my bedroom playing with my hamsters, Kimberly and Neechee. As I was playing around in the cage, I noticed that there were tons more hamsters resting under the shavings of their cage. I put the lid back on the cage and as I turned around I saw that there were hundreds of hamsters milling around my bed, my dresser, my computer, etc. There were also big hamsters that look like chinchillas. It was absolutely terrifying and gross.
I looked back into the hamster cage and saw that it was filling up with more and more of them. I opened up my bedroom window and started throwing them out the window. As I tried to grab them off the floor, they bit me over and over and I specifically remember the pain I was feeling in the dream. It was their teeth chewing on my skin. I then grabbed a bath towel and started picking them up and breaking their necks and throwing the dead bodies out of my window. I couldn’t move nearly fast enough. They were all over my room.
The lid on the cage started to come off as the hamsters filled it up. As I tried to shove the lid back down, I sliced through a couple of their bodies and there was guts and blood all over the place. I started calling for someone to come and help me, but no one did. Eventually I just stood in my room and watched as the hamsters started to take over everything. It was fucking scary and it was fucking nasty.
I woke up and stared at the wall for like 10 minutes, wondering why I had such a horrible dream.
Figures. Perfect representation of my weekend.
I feel sad today. I fucked up over the weekend with Paul and now I carry the guilt of our fight.
I have so much to do this week. Our show opens a week from Friday and today I just don’t feel excited. Instead I feel sad and alone. I wish I hadn’t screwed up so badly with my boy.
I have rehearsal every night this week and at this point, it seems as though I will never make it through to Friday.
I also go to the dermatologist at 4pm today to see if I can get this dry skin/rash thing on my face taken care of once and for all.
I hope tomorrow’s a better day.
